When I was having a bit of spring clean the other day I came across one of my old notebooks.
When I first started learning NLP and hypnosis and being interested in personal development in general I used to always keep a note book in my back pocket to write down any ideas or sparks of insight that came to mind.
I couldn’t resist a quick flick through it to see some of the things I had wrote and the first page I opened had a list of goals I had written.
I had actually come up with the goals while on my NLP Practitioner course back in 1999 and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit when I read them. The first two were:
1.To have complete control of my inner world. Complete control of my emotions and be able to feel what I want when I want it.
2.To have complete control of my outer world. To be able to make enough money so I can do what I want when I want.
Now bear in mind I was only 22! and had just been introduced to NLP and how powerful it was. Even so, I couldn’t help but feel there was a slight sense of ‘megalomania’ about them!
It amazed me how much my goals have changed and also how many times I used the word ‘control’ when now a days the word has pretty much been deleted from my vocabulary.
I used to really crave control…complete and utter dominance of my inner and outer world.
It went on for a while until I realised I was slowly building a jail cell around myself.
I think a lot of people are the same. The word ‘control’ brings up a lot of stuff for people, especially if they feel ‘out of control’.
It’s the thing people think they want when they’re struggling to cope with what’s going on in their life but it’s definitely not what they need.
Have you ever craved control?
Do you still crave it now?
Maybe it’s something you try to get on the inside by controlling people and/or things on the outside. Maybe it brought you to self help, personal development, NLP or some place else.
Because the reality is you can never have it. It’s a bit like trying to catch a firefly flickering through the night. It seduces you into thinking you can capture it but every time you get close and reach out it flies off into the dark.
Rather than trying to control I think it’s much more healthy (and useful) to be comfortable when things are out of control.
This is a much more useful skill to develop…
The more you accept that some things just can’t be controlled the more comfortable you are when you don’t have it.
The more comfortable you are when you don’t have it the more you can relax, be in the moment and ‘in flow’.
Your vision starts to open up to the outside world and it’s much easier to improvise and respond to what’s going on.
And it’s waaayyy more pleasant…Speaking from experience, trying to control is a heck of a lot of work.
You don’t have to let go of it completely, just enough to realise that all you can ever do is attempt to do your best.
Sometimes you’ll surpass yourself, sometimes you won’t because of lots of potential reasons. At the end of the day that’s really all you can do.
The rest is in the lap of the gods and there really is no point in torturing yourself over it.
So what’s it like for you when you feel completely comfortable…not being in control?
Fully consider and reflect on the question…Notice where it takes your attention.
Kind of bends the mind a bit doesn’t it?
I like to think we all have our own little books of old beliefs, notions and concepts we used to buy into…Things that, when you look back, seem a little silly while at the same time, rather cute and innocent.
For me ‘complete control’ is most definitely in there.