Are you aware that your Confidence has been playing hide and seek with you? A lot of people also don’t realize that we aren’t born anxious, nervous or shy. It’s something we learn to do and practice over the years. As a very young child you didn’t nervously tippy toe over to your Mum and go “Ehm…excuse me…c..c..c…can I have some s..s…s…upper p…p…please? There is no gene that stipulates you have to be anxious, nervous, shy or lacking in confidence.
There are certain genetic make ups that allegedly make people more pre-disposed to have these feelings but its by no means clear cut.
They still have to have experiences and interpret the world in a certain way and then consistently do that to develop and maintain those feelings.
As children, when we decided to do something we just did it!…without fear of recrimination or failure.
The concept of ‘anxiety’ or ‘lack of confidence’ didn’t exist so we just lived in the moment and did our thing.
We are born with a sense of beautiful confidence, freedom and bliss…One that doesn’t have to be confirmed or maintained. It’s just there by default, as a birth right.
I find it incredulous that people bring up the whole ‘genetics thing’ when they’re talking about negative emotions, problems or disorders but somehow never mention it for the positive stuff.
It’s pretty amazing as anybody who studies biology or neuroscience will tell you that your body and brain are hard-wired for bliss!
We’re like a big human chemical plant waiting to have our happy chemicals activated. The mind and body are designed to feel good and it’s one of the amazing gifts we get from birth.
So the question is, if we had an abundance of confidence to begin with where does it go?
Does it just vanish when we start school? When we lose our job or when we split up with our partner?
And if it does, is it possible to get it back? And how the heck do we go about doing that?!
Well, actually, most of these questions don’t apply because it doesn’t really go anywhere…it just kind of hides. It’s like a kid that goes and plays hide and seek and forgets to stop hiding.
Say for example, you had a room in your house that was filthy. Dirty dishes, clothes and food lying everywhere… Would you feel good if you looked in that room? Would you invite people round for a dinner party in it?! You probably wouldn’t because all you’d both see would be the chaos and mess. The guests wouldn’t see the full potential of the room and you’d probably start to worry that they’ll talk about you.
The thing is, there was never actually anything wrong with the room. In fact, it was and still is beautiful! You just can’t see it for the mess. It’s the same when it comes to confidence. You don’t lose it, you have plenty of it and always have. You just can’t see it properly because of the nonsense you’ve learned through time.
With the greatest respect to your problems and bad experiences they are a bit like the dirty dishes and clothes lying on the floor of your beautiful room. They might stop you from seeing it in all its full glory but they don’t negate its beauty. Our brain does a bit of a number on us sometimes and makes us temporarily forget all the good we have as a birth right and all the great stuff we’ve done up till now but don’t let it fool you.
If you were to spend even just 10 minutes right now deliberately thinking about all your successes and times of confidence and happiness you’d come up with a pretty big list no matter who you are. It doesn’t have to be saving the world from an apocalypse or impending doom it can be something as simple as passing a test or having a good time with a friend. It’s just important that it meant something to YOU.
As you wrote that list you’d also probably start to feel really good as well…I’d be willing to wager your feelings of confidence would increase significantly too. Not because you are ‘building up your confidence’ but because you are ‘remembering the confidence you already have’.
It’s a subtle shift in your thinking but one that makes all the difference.
So if your blissful, confident, ecstatic, happy inner child is still playing hide and seek it’s time to go look for them. Turn on the lights, make it brighter…it’s much easier to see that way. If there are dirty dishes and clothes in the way just step over them…clean them up if you like.
They’re just distractions anyway that have stopped you in the past from seeing what’s always been there. Don’t let them fool you…